Why I've chosen not 2 believe in God, a personal story

February 02, 2009

Peace 4 ever & always Queen:
I had no idea my little comment would arise such aggressive confrontation. I am very impressed by your handling of this situation & your response is what I'd expect from a person calling themselves Christian. You may call yourself whatever you like,however that doesn't mean that is exactly what you are,in fact your misrepresentation will cause others to misjudge what you claim to be. I do not know how they interpret my not being in need of prayer an attack on Jesus or Christianity,anyway if I was them I would become student to what I claim to believe in before trying to be some soldier or warrior. I was raised in the Christian church deep in northern Mississippi. I held on to every word that my preacher said,unlike some folks I obeyed every law that my Lord issued unto us. I never used my flesh is weak as an excuse for backsliding as there is nothing in this world that impresses me that I would want. I feared going to the depths of hell & yearned to be with my creator in heaven. As I grew older my faith was still strong however other issues were beginning to emerge,issues that would later influence how I think today. Black people not whites....NOT whites began making mockery of my skin color.Even my own family members were making fun of me. No matter how I searched the Bible I could not find an answer or relief from this torture & then one day I noticed the picture of Jesus in the church was white.I never cared about skin color until this personal issue arose.
My caucasion school teachers began to teach me about how I am the descendant of slaves in this country.I was horrified my parents or black elders never taught me about this,it was even more saddening when the mini-series ROOTS was aired of which after reading the actual book,I could not believe such evil was done to us. One day my relatives who had been converted to Islam as taught by the Honorable Elijah Muhammad sent my mother his books,she immediately threw them into the trash.Being curious & an avid reader I went into the trash retrieved the books. Elijah Muhammad began to teach about who black people really were,he taught to love self & become independent from others. He taught that God was not a spirit but a man like any other man except he had exceptional knowledge but above all his teaching gave me the fire I needed to defend my black skin. Another thing that hurt my feelings was I did not know that Christianity was used to justify the slavery of my ancestors.One of the first boats to bring slaves to this country was named Jesus. The first gospel songs about Jesus was not even about the Jesus of the Bible but Jesus the ship cause they wanted to go home but couldn't. Heartbreaking & went I approached my reverends & parents about this,they never denied these things,only offering excuses for practicing a religion that was used to justify the enslavement of people,then this Jesus allowed this to go on for over 300 years.Till this day I scream to this God what did blacks do to deserve being punished for over 300 years & if it wasn't for the civil war in 2009 blacks probably still would be slaves & the way many so called blacks behave they'd be better off as slaves.
I would later convert to Islam but to tell the truth I always had a question about the belief in something my brain can't detect even in Islam. When I was born I was immediately taught about God but it was unfair that somebody didn't tell me this was just a belief that there is a possibility that this is not real,I was taught that God is real,even thou a man I was taught God was real.Nobody around me taught there is no such thing & this is not fair.It explains all the backsliding and other weakness found in religion folks are trying to practice what their hearts really don't feel so it is easy to fall prey to the ways of a corrupt world. I would continue to inhabit the houses of religion cause it was all I knew. One day a brother gave me Bruce Lee's autobiography in it Bruce says he doesn't believe in GOD. Bruce says why should I give the credit for all of my hard work to some mystery being when they didn't do one kick or push up? Parents give Santa a fictional character the credit for bringing gifts to their children but its the parents working everyday & going into debt.
To bring this to quick conclusion, I was charged with a crime and incarcerated unjustly and made into a mental patient. I was forced to live in a mental facility for 10 years with murderers,rapists,child molestors,drug addicts etc. the trash of human kind. I prayed to God why did this happen to me. I do not at this time have a criminal history nor has it been determined that a mental illness ever existed. If they couldn't prove you committed a crime or show that you had a mental illness that made you dangerous then how were you held for 10 years? Simple. Cause they can.If you are poor & ignorant of the law & your rights then they'll do to you what they will & it is no surprise that the majority of folks in this mental facility were black.You'd have a few asians stop by & a handful of caucasions but the majority of patients were basically drug addicts black men & the lower staff were blacks. The prosecutors,the doctors all the big boys was racist caucasion persons sometimes they'd have persons of color tokens. No God came to help me in fact my belief in God helped them to make me more mentally ill & the Christian preachers & believers there helped them exploit me as well as make mockery of those poor people incarcerated.When I wrote the muslims they basically would state my incarceration was punishment from Allah from denying him & leaving the movement,so I suffered alone.The christians told me to bow to the lie these racist people made up so they'll release me.Acceptance of the lie would verify & justify what they done to me as well as keep them in my life perhaps for a lifetime.They basically threatened me everyday that if I did not submit to them they'd hold me the rest of my life,that was the intent,why? Cause they could.
A caucasion person came to me & asked me to fill some legal papers for him cause he knew I could read & write well. I filed these papers for him & it forced them to release him. I went on to meet fellow patients that knew legal matters then I began to go to the library. My first attempts were not successful & my enemies would laugh & make mockery of me but as time went on I got better & filing release for countless patients. I began filing civil lawsuits against them & restraining orders I began to give them the hell they'd put on me for years. Unifying the patients so they'd stand up for their rights under the law. I was released from their evil grip not because of God but because I chose to gain & search for knowledge. The Bible even says my people suffer due to the lack of knowledge,when I obtained that knowledge the suffering was over.After my release I began to research the origins of these religious belief systems & the rest is history. I can say with confidence that God doesn't exist & if we did the study all would agree. These religious belief systems came from people who were ignorant to their reality or world.What was mindboggling to them,means nothing to us as our understanding of the world has evolved.The earth is not flat but we hold on to religious belief systems that were designed by those who did believe the world is flat.
Truth hurts & this is why folks get so angry at me cause I give them no way out & leave them knowing I know they also question what has been taught to us not by God as God has or Jesus has never written nothing it is all,she said he said.In a court of law unacceptable,I also know some people need something to believe in.I choose to believe in myself as my power released me from a facility that keeps people for a lifetime just because they don't like you,they fought me tooth & nail but still lost. This mental facility has been around for more than 100 years full of believers in God & I watched every Sunday as they prayed & cried to be released.None was released thru some miracle they had to submit to the lies the wicked wrote about them but here comes along a non-believer & whoops them like none had done before. What is very sad is that this Christian preacher of whom would later be exposed having homosexual relations with patients & christian staff members were actually upset that I had beaten these wicked people they know was holding me unjustly. I do not judge christianity based on these sad individuals,as many are like you. I do not have anything against people but I do know religion is bogus & the cause of hatred,murder,slavery,racial supremacy,oppression of women etc. Look at the hatred shown towards me cause I don't need prayer,they act like I shot their mother.
Just wanted to give you some background on myself of why I am the way I am,this doesn't mean I hate anybody nor does it mean I live some immoral life. I do not smoke,drink,use illegal drugs,murder,rape,or have out of wedlock children etc. I do love black peoples & want the best for us however if religion is the cause of why we can't love & unite as a people then that belief system must be dealt with.The KKK hung many black christians,racist don't care nothing about your religion or how patriotic you are. If we can't talk civil we shouldn't talk at all & this is sad if you can't talk with a christian in a civil manner that is not the example of the Christ I read about.RespectU.